Yesterday, out of the blue, I got a raging private message from an adoptee on Facebook telling me that I am a pathetic freeloader and a big piece of crap.

I told my truth yesterday during a podcast. It was an opportunity I’d only dreamed of having.

Recently COVID has driven me (repeatedly) to Nordstrom Rack. COVID doesn’t have a car, so COVID leads me online, and, what I’ve found is that once you make that trip, online shows up everywhere you go online. Suddenly Nordstrom Rack is all over my Instagram and Facebook feed and filling my email box with things that were made, apparently, just for me.

Sometimes when I am with other adoptees we call those we aren’t adopted “civilians” or “normal people”. It’s nice to say things like this and not hear back, “But you aren’t any different. Being adopted doesn’t make you an outsider.”

Granted, mothers and daughters historically often fight about hair. But when I started to ask other female adoptees about their experience with their mothers and hair, the response was loud. “She cut my hair so short! She didn’t know what to do with it.” is something I heard again and again.

Judging from the responses to the meme I posted about hair on Instagram and Twitter, it looks like hair is a thing between adopted girls (and some boys, of course) and their mothers.

Erase, erase, we must erase. Erase her name, erase her heritage. Blank slate. Hurry hurry, she doesn’t matter—we matter.

When my mom was dying, I had some talking of my own to do. I had carried deep, deep shame since I was 22 for stealing from her in a premeditated and unloving way. I had betrayed her trust in me and then I had run away.

I am wondering how many adopted people believe they were relinquished by the mother because they, the baby that was given up, was ugly.

Your son has a mind that spins because he was separated from his mother at an age that would be deemed too early for a puppy or a kitten to be taken from their mother. Your son is trying not to drown and he doesn’t even know it. He just knows he can’t focus.

I am often reminded by my family and friends when I try to explain my grief from losing you that their life would have been impacted or my sons would not have been born if you had chosen to keep me.

I relaxed my shoulder once by mistake.