Karri and I were talking about her upcoming Adoptees On episode, and we were excitedly saying how much we loved Haley and her show, and then it came to me that we should tell her in a way that she can’t run away from—not to her face but ON SCREEN!! I asked some of the past participants if they would say a little bit about about Haley and her show, and I would like to invite ANYONE who has been on the show to send me their contribution. This is a living document. (I put this post together in classic Anne fashion (hurridly), and so did not have the time to write to all of you.)

But please, it would be so cool to let Haley see just how much she has done for us as a community, so send your piece to me at anneheffron@gmail.com and I’ll pin it up there with the others. 

 

Dear Haley:

It has meant so much to me over the last two years to have Adoptees On to fall back on for support.  The podcast has been a source of comfort to me as I faced the trauma of adoption I had felt all of my life and did not have words for.  I have listened to several episodes more than once.  I was able to “meet” many people that shared similar feelings and stories as me, the podcast has been a true lifesaver.  I feel like I have a community of people even though I have only ever met a few guests in person.  

I would like to thank Haley for the contribution she has made to the adoptee community and to my life personally.  I would most definitely not be where I am and as awake as I am today without her, the guests and the podcast.

Since I can speak as a person that has been on the podcast, I appreciate her kind, thoughtful way she interviews, she’s really like talking to a friend.  It was definitely a realization of a dream come true to be on the podcast.  

Karri

There are moments that are life changing, important.  Finding Adoptees On was a moment that changed the trajectory of my life.  The first episode I listened to, I remember hearing the guest's story and finding my own feelings, my own words, my own life in the spoken words. Hearing Haley's voice felt comfortable and as if I had knew her already.  In the February of 2017, I had no idea that listening to Haley and Adoptees on would have such an impact. I had JUST found my bio family and promptly fell, arms and leg flailing from the thick fog of my adoption. My landing was not graceful. I felt lost, confused, alone and more was envelped in a sadness that I thought I could not want to possibly survive. I began to listen to Adoptees On, everyday, all day, not just to hear the stories, but to hear Haley's voice. I listened for her Canadian accent, I listened for her laugh and I listened for her compassion. I felt like she was speaking directly to me in every way and in every episode. Adoptees On literally became my lifeline and gave me hope that I could survive the tumult of emotions I was experiencing.  Since finding Haley and Adoptees On, I have been able to grow in my own adoptedness in a way that feels more safe, more comfortable, less alone, and less life threatening.

I have gained in Haley a friend who I trust with my story.   I can not even believe as I write this, that I have been a guest on Adoptees On 4 times, I have hung out with Haley in DC and shared an amazing meal. We have walked on the streets of San Francisco and written together.  I have been amazed at the life that I have built since my falling apart and rebuilding with Haley's voice through my podcast phone app.  I pinch myself that because of finding this show, that I have a huge circle of friends who are also adopted, that I have traveled with them, been in awe of them and of myself, and have a network of people who see me, who understand me and who I have BIG love for and a for whom I have fierce protectiveness.  I have this life, and literally, a life, because of Haley and Adoptees On. 

I am so thankful for her as a fellow sojourner in life. I see her. I trust her and I support Adoptees On, because, the Galaxy of Adoptees need her. 

Janet Nordine

I met Haley a little over a year ago at the 2019 American Adoption Congress Conference in Washington D.C. where she was the keynote speaker. I knew who she was because I had listened to some of her podcast about three years earlier when I was just beginning to come out of the fog and attempt to understand the role my status as an adopted person had played in my life. I wasn’t ready when I first started listening to Haley; I had no context yet. I was unaware of So. Much. Trauma. I hadn’t done enough reading or thinking or reflecting. I knew I was affected by adoption, I just didn’t know how deeply or what to even do with the information that I was beginning to accumulate. I didn’t know then what a groundbreaker Haley was in terms of holding space and speaking out for and with adoptees. I didn’t know then that the voice was attached to a gentle force to be reckoned with. 

Fast forward three years. I arrive at the conference and am, for the first time in my life, in a space that welcomes me as an adopted person. A space that honors my grief and loss. A space that wants to see me and hear me and know me. For the first time I am surrounded by other adopted people who I am not afraid to speak openly to, people who I don’t have to explain myself to, people who have struggled like I have, people who I can connect with. For adopted people connection is hard. I know it is for me. Haley is a connector. She is warm and quietly passionate in her convictions. She listens. She invites intimacy. She empowers others through example. She is fearless in her message and gives the rest of us an opportunity to join her. Adoptees On is more than a podcast, it is a movement for social change and Haley is at the helm. Her beautifully relentless pursuit of our stories is what makes change possible. In inviting so many of us to share who we are publicly Haley reminds us that we are important, our stories are necessary, and our lives have meaning. I am grateful for your heart, your soul, and your voice Haley. Thank you for including me.

Liz DeBetta

When I first met Haley, we didn’t actually meet. I saw her at the Indiana Adoptee Network conference and she was such a bundle of energy moving from person to person and group to group throughout the weekend. It exhausted me just watching, since I’m a notorious introvert. 

But what Haley was doing was gathering interviews, quotes, and contacts for her soon-to-launch podcast (and FB group) “Adoptees On.” She highlighted adoptee voices, which in adoptionland is surprisingly rare. 

I started listening to the “Adoptees On” podcast while my film partner Derek and I were working on our own version of highlighting adoptee stories - Six Word Adoption Memoirs - via film. One of the things that compelled us to start this kept cropping up in the “Adoptees On” stories, there was a shared emotional experience and a common narrative thread, however each person also brought unique twists and components. Hearing both the similarity and the differences created an odd reassurance. It was like I could hear a person talk, and think “Oh yeah. You’re not alone in that!” and then they would share a unique moment and I could likewise think “I wonder if I do that too? I wonder if that event had occurred in my life, what the outcome would be for me.” While it sounds a bit narcissistic, I’m reminded of a Dar Williams lyric, “How I loved everybody else, when I finally got to talk so much about myself.” (What do you hear in these sounds, 1997). 

The Facebook community that Haley created after the podcast launch has been an on-going source of marvel and support. The members consist of her patreon supporters and former podcast guests. She has built a safe place of trust and openness amongst the members. Some days it’s encouraging “hope you all have a good day” or “this great thing happened when I spoke with . . .” Other days, it’s just “I’ve had real troubles with this thing.” and members gather around offer support, “I hear you”, or advice if requested. 

Finally I had the opportunity to be a guest and talk about my own discovery (being a Late-Discovery Adoptee), adoption journey, and then did a joint conversation with Derek and Haley about making Six Word Adoption Memoirs. I find Haley a great listener and a podcaster who asks thoughtful, insightful questions in making a podcast that adoptees can listen to and be proud of. I’m grateful for her enthusiasm, energy, and work. 

Ridghaus

Haley was a superb listener. She just let me go. She was warm and nurturing and supportive...like a great MOM! She didn’t try to tell me what to say. She was a shoulder to cry on...and I did! 

Stuart Watson

I can't imagine coming out of the adoption fog without you and your podcast. When I look back, I think I was still a little bit in the fog when I was on your show during season 2. I was just so excited to tell everyone about finding my first mom and the healing and awaking I had discovered in myself. Then you agreed to have my first mom and me on your show together where we discussed the guidelines we developed to form our relationship. I appreciate you giving her a voice as well.

Through your show, I have made so many new friends who see my whole authentic self. It feels so good to be seen and understood.

Your healing series has been invaluable to me. Many of them I listen to repeatedly to reinforce the message.

I know how you hate public recognization, but I'm glad we had this opportunity to thank you and recognize you for the legacy who how created. When we meet fo the first time in person, I'm going to give you the biggest hug.

Much Love

Marni Hall

Nearly 20 years ago, I discovered that community and connection could bring healing to my experiences of being a transracially adopted person. Discovering community and connection happened as a result of my seeking out and venturing into spaces designed for members of the extended family of adoption including professionals that serve families.  Early on, these adoption and foster care conferences, events, and gatherings were created and controlled by adoptive parents and professionals and while they invited adopted persons in they generally did not feel they were specifically for me.  Even while not generally adoptee-led, I did find community, connection, and healing in these parent and professionally-led spaces and it felt amazing.  What I underestimated was the deeper transformative space that could exist when adopted persons were leading.  This idea translates directly to content and for so long being frustrated that the narratives of adopted persons were being shared and controlled by parents and professionals and not the adopted person themselves.  Haley’s “Adoptees On” podcast has been an important additive ingredient that allows for a deeper sense of community for me and so many that are experiencing adoption as adopted persons.  Haley makes space for our experiences, in words, delivered in our own way.  Thank you Haley for putting “adoptees on”.

April Dinwoodie

What Haley contributes to the adoption community is truly remarkable. Adoptees On offers a wealth of helpful information for anyone in the adoption triad—putting fellow adult adoptees in the lead, where they belong, as the experts on adoption. A gifted and savvy interviewer, Haley isn’t afraid to tackle hard topics on the show, and she has a genuine knack for drawing out compelling conversation, thanks to her mix of honesty, curiosity, humor, and grace. I try to never miss an episode of Adoptees On. I love the Healing Series, but frankly I’m enriched by every single episode, where adoptee dynamics are openly discussed and normalized. (We are not crazy!) Where and how Haley finds all of the stellar guests that she does, I don’t know. But I am so very privileged that I got to be one of them. I knew it would be like a dream to be on the show. What I didn’t realize was how honoring it would be to share my story and feel heard, respected, and understood, both by Haley and her listeners. Three cheers for Haley—written with boundless gratitude! 

 Sara Easterly

 

I first met Haley via email in November 2016. She reached out to me to be a part of what has become the "Healing Series" of her groundbreaking and might I add brilliant podcast, Adoptees On. I was thrilled and while I met Haley nearly 4 years ago, it seems like I've known her forever. That's how many adoptees feel when they meet a member of their "tribe." 

Since our first email exchange, Haley and I have had many conversations on her podcast, a few Facebook Live events and we met in person at the Concerned United Birthparents Retreat in October 2017.

Haley is someone who, without even knowing it, has reached countless people who up until hearing her podcast, have felt unseen, unheard, lost and broken. I know this because I've worked with many clients who have shared how life-changing Adoptees On has been for them. Yep, life-changing! That's what happens when community comes together to share experiences and support one another - people grow, learn and ultimately healing happens. I'm proud to be connected to Haley and Adoptees On.

I appreciate Haley, her vulnerability, her braveness and her voice. 

Lesli Johnson

 

One of the most amazing and wonderful forever friends I’ve been able to meet in person and become friends with is fellow adoptee, Haley Radke. I knew Haley before Adoptees On, and I have supported her and encouraged her through her journey of creating the very first podcast platform that offers so much understanding and hope to her fellow adoptees. I realize there are other adoptee podcasts, however none of them are anything like Haley’s. 

When I was asked to be a guest, not once but twice one of the reasons I had no reserves, is because I knew Haley and I knew her heart. Her intentions were pure, and her heart was gigantic in wanting to create a platform to not only share adoptee experiences, but do it with kindness, compassion and class. She was made for this!  

Having the opportunity to share my story, and the good news of Adoptees Connect, Inc. it has allowed me to come out of my shell and share my story in a proud way. Years later, I have adoptees reaching out to me saying they tuned into Adoptees On & heard my story which is changing lives. Adoptees On has created the ripple effect of healing that will be heard and promote healing for generations. 

Not everyone has the gift Haley does and I consider her to be one of the rarest gems to the adoption community.  I’m sending her sunshine, love and light and I hope she can feel it as she reads how important she is to so many people around the world. 

Pamela Karanova

Being adopted can be both a blessing and a curse. Adopted children have very complex feelings that are typically buried and never processed. Then those adopted children become adults with behaviors manifested by those buried emotions. I am one of those adopted people. I needed an outlet and the courage to use my voice to not only help myself but other adoptees. Haley Radke, podcast host of Adoptees On, was one that gave me that outlet. She created something so special with her podcast by giving adoptees that safe space and the ability to network with other adoptees who would never have known each other or had that support otherwise. She is truly changing lives and she started with a simple premise, to let adoptees share their experiences with the world. The mission was simple but so effective that it has evolved into this incredible resource for healing by including credible therapists that have specialized in our unique needs as adults. Haley’s heart and persistence has so positively affected many lives and not just adoptees! Our families also are able to use this resource to better understand us and hopefully, adoptive parents are using this resource to help their adopted children. Thank you Haley, from the bottom of my heart, for having me as a guest and giving me the outlet I so needed. Keep going! XOXO

Liz Williams Story

When a person creates a megaphone for those who have felt voiceless there is no preconception that the megaphone will remain true. When the creator is also one of the voiceless, she can only approach the mission with the humility of a saint. When that creator is Haley Radke the megaphone can feel like a cross, and the preconception becomes a prayer of trust, that she will be guided to serve those with stories that need to be voiced, and voices that long to be heard. She really did it. Haley started something that she knew would grow beyond her wildest imagination. Her courage to harness both the hope and the hell of the Adoptee story transcends healing. And yes, as I'm writing this, tears of overwhelming joy and gratitude fill my eyes. Haley's amazing gifts and tenacity to continue growing and nurturing the Adoptee community lifts up our spirits and gives me more than hope, more than inspiration. It engages my heart and renews my faith. Her gift has been the greatest of preconceptions ever dared: that my story would have value, and that I am of worth. And that is every adoptee's prayer answered, and our wildest dreams come true.

Kevin Barhydt

Being on Haley’s show has been a powerful experience for me. As a transracial international adoptee I often don’t see myself represented anywhere. Haley’s platform has allowed me to reach so many more people with my story and my teachings and I am so passionate and contributing to our community. I am so grateful for that opportunity to use my voice and be a role model, warts and all, for anyone fighting for their truth and their healing. And Haley created that space.

Marta Sierra

In a week when my social media feed is filled with news that is difficult to bear – the ‘rehoming’ and exploitation of a vulnerable child; the tragedy of Minneapolis – it is easy to lose sight of what is good in this world. But then it occurs to me: Haley Radke.

In opening her heart and her home through Adoptees On, Haley has invited healing, resonance, and validation into each of our lives. When I first began listening to Adoptees On, it was like unlocking a secret key to my hidden grief, so completely was my own experience reflected in those stories that Haley brought to life. Uniquely positioned to understand the psyche of the adoptee, Haley never inserts herself into the story. Her gift is her ability to listen, to draw others out, to use compassion and empathy as a force for good; to make adoptees ‘seen’; to reinforce that we are not alone in this world. Haley does not profit from her labor. She does this relentless, emotional work purely for our own benefit, and so that others outside the adoption community can understand the life-long consequences of losing one’s biological family. As the author of a memoir about adoption, I know intimately the crushing vulnerability that being ‘out there’ with your story takes. Haley does battle in the adoption arena every day. She does so with good humor, grace and poise. She is courageous and generous. Her enormous heart knows no bounds.

In my own adoption experience, shame has been a dominant force. When I appeared as a guest on Adoptees On, many listeners  -- both birth parents and adoptees -- reached out to me afterwards to say that they too struggled with feelings of shame. The American academic, Brené Brown, whose work on vulnerability has gained global attention, says that in order to survive, shame needs three ingredients: secrecy, silence, and judgement. Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change, Brown says, but if you douse shame with empathy, it cannot survive. But Brown believes that there is also another way to eradicate shame: by telling our stories. Shame cannot survive if it is spoken aloud. Truth-telling and honesty strip away its power. That is the remarkable gift that Haley Radke has presented us all: for every episode of Adoptees On, for every story shared, a little shame—I like to believe—is chipped away.

 Caitriona Palmer

Being a guest on Adoptees On with Halley gave me the courage to be more open and vulnerable in sharing my experiences as an adoptee. Haley provides such a safe and accepting space for adoptees to share the depth of their stories. She amplifies our many voices. I am incredibly grateful for the opportunity I had to talk to Haley.

Kristin Jones

I first connected with Haley on Twitter in November of 2012. I had been in reunion with my bio dad for 4 years, and was in the painful process of defogging. November being National Adoption Awareness Month, I was searching the "adoption" hashtag and, amidst all the pro-adoption happy-talk, I found this perfect tweet from Haley: 

"Adoption is not a fairytale. It's tough stuff. I wish people would stop whitewashing over the hard parts of it. #realitycheck #adoption"

Like a voice crying out in the pro-adoption wilderness, these three straightforward sentences from Haley spoke directly to me. I felt an immediate kinship, and naturally retweeted her. She followed up asking about my connection to adoption and we discovered we had lots in common.

At that point in my life, I didn't really know any other adoptees, so getting to know Haley, another adoptee who was out of the fog and articulating some of the challenges adoptees face, was hugely important to me. 

When one person takes a chance and publicly shares their truth, that bravery is contagious. So when, in the spring of 2016, Haley asked if I'd be interested in sharing my story for the start of her new adoptee-centric podcast, I knew I couldn't say no. I didn't even have an internet connection at home, so I drove to the parking lot of my town library where I could poach their wifi and recorded from my car. Whatever it took, I knew that what Haley was starting was vitally important and I wanted to be part of it and support it.

And while getting the chance to share my story was a huge honor, it was also therapeutic for me personally because Haley is not only articulate, she is also an empathetic and gifted listener.

But beyond my own episode, it has been transformative hearing all the other adoptees and adoptee therapists over these past (almost) 4 years! Before listening to the Adoptees On podcast, I really had no idea how widely shared many of my complicated feelings around adoption and reunion actually were. To be able to hear so many different variations on the common themes of loss and grief, trauma and resilience, fear and hope, sorrow and strength, has enriched me and rooted me in the truth of my own messy experience. All the moments of recognition of myself in other peoples' stories has been validating & gives me confidence to continue using my voice, even when it shakes.

Through her brilliant podcast (and the Patreon subscribers who support it), Haley has fostered a fabulous community of supportive adoptees and that is perhaps her biggest gift of all.

Carrie Cahill Mulligan

 

I started listening to Haley's podcast after searching around on the 'net to find any support for my on-going adoption issues.

Her podcast was the only one I found that I could truly relate to. Most of the episodes had the adoptee's trauma presented in such a strong matter of fact way that I started to feel a little bit sane!

I was absolutely blown away when she asked me if I would like to do one.... What would I say? Who would listen? What would everyone think? Would my birthmother find out about it somehow and disown me ( again, lol ) ?

She has such a gentle coaxing style of interview that I felt that I could just let it all out and focus on all the hurtful, negative, harmful aspects ( which is generally the idea anyway ) so as anyone listening would find it relatable like I had done.

It ended up being such a great experience. I still sometimes receive emails about it to this day saying "I'm so glad you said those things." Even though I felt it was a bit full on when I had finished.

But Haley was great and just kept it going. She has a knack of saying the right things at the right time, again and again. Warm, funny, and to the point. 

She is a tremendous credit to the adoptee community internationally and my last few years wouldn't be the same without her support through the tireless work she does putting everything together! We are incredibly lucky to have her :-)

Gareth Price

 

If there were a Haley Radke fanclub, I would join it. Haley is a tremendous inspiration to me on a daily basis. I found out about the Adoptees On podcast from my local adoptee support group about a year before I agreed to be interviewed on the show. When I met with Haley prior to the interview, I was immediately relieved of any fear about telling my story. She put me at ease with her warmth, her kindness, her realness, and her assurance that she was there to encourage and appreciate my experience as a survivor of childhood trauma. This was the first and only time I have agreed to discuss Genetic Sexual Attraction (GSA) publicly. In the year since the interview, I have reflected on the process with gratitude. This is true because while the topic has been associated with grief and shame, sharing my truth with Haley was painless. I came away with a deeper sense of the idea that a sorrow shared is a sorrow divided in half. Not only this, I have continued to grow more thoroughly engaged and connected with the greater adoptee community worldwide. I learned about Adoptees Connect, Inc. from Pamela Karanova’s interview with Adoptees On, and I subsequently volunteered to co-facillitate an Adoptees Connect affiliate group. I learned about adoptee retreats, and then attended two retreats [with Anne Heffron & Pam Cordano]. Haley’s way of making all adoptee experiences accessible and relatable is phenomenal. I am a huge fan of podcasts; however, I never considered becoming a podcaster until discovering Adoptees On. Haley helped me realize that adoptees really *can* and really *do* make an exceptional difference through living out loud. I hope to emulate her, as I follow in her footsteps.

Sophia

 

Being a guest on Adoptees On and in the virtual presence of Haley is affirming and transformative. Haley has given my adopted heart the gift of being heard and held. She holds space for adopted people in a way that makes time feel as if it’s standing still just long enough for loss, grief, and healing to be seen. Post interview I‘m both exhausted and light, because Haley fosters an environment in which I’m able to share the things about adoption I couldn’t express as a child. I get to be me with Haley, a me I’m still getting to know. Her show is raw and authentic while being warm and safe. She’s far more than her soothing voice and heart of gold; Haley is changing the lives of adopted people.

Reshma M. McClintock

 

I was in downtown Los Gatos heading to hike the dam the first time I heard Haley and Adoptees On. It was Carrie’s episode and I went for a hike every morning after that because it was an excuse to listen to another episode, uninterrupted. I kept walking, kept listening, and I basically stalked Haley. I wrote to her and told her I was her number one fan. Something creepy like that. I hope I am making this up, but I have a weird feeling it’s true. I may have even said that on an iTunes review of her show. I am too scared to look.

Adoptees On was just so exciting: an adoptee talking to other adoptees about ADOPTION. I did not know this sort of thing happened in the world since it hadn’t happened in my world. 

Haley brings us together, lets us hear and see each other, lets us, individually and as a community, change and grow.  

Anne Heffron

 

Just a few years ago I wasn’t hanging out with adoptees at all. I didn’t have a single adoptee friend. I happened to see a tweet from someone named Haley asking if there were any adoptees out there who were also therapists. I responded, we met, and she had me on the show. 

I began listening to season one and fell in love with each person’s vulnerability and strength. Haley has a way of drawing out vital aspects of people’s stories, and with such warmth. Listening helped me to reconnect with feelings I’d pushed off to the side out of reunion fatigue and disappointment. Hearing others gave me strength to be more of who I am.

Meeting Haley has truly changed the trajectory of my life. I began to meet adoptees interviewed on her show in person and hearing from others who’d heard me. Now my life is full of beautiful connections with adoptees and adoptee-related projects, and I can trace each new person and project back to Haley. 

What I know for sure is the connections that Adoptees On has set in motion have led to so much behind the scenes healing among and within us. These connections are life-saving and quality of life-saving. Haley, I love you and I hope you realize the impact you’ve made on our community!

Pam Cordano

As a post note, if anyone would like to contribute a bit on how this show has affected your life, just email your writing to me at anneheffron@gmail.com along with how you want your name to show up and I will add it to this piece.

 

What listeners have to say:

She has made it ok to be adopted, and to give life to the feelings which have lived in a quiet place in my body. They’re now no longer quiet. Because of Haley I now have siblings in adoption, making me feel normal for feeling unsettled.  It’s been a game changer for me.  I love our network.  I love our mission. Haley, hank you for speaking our stories, and to Anne for writing them.

Leigh

Haley Radke has shown me that I'm not alone in a world where I felt alone. She has shown me people who share the same fears, the same reactions to circumstances, the same self talk, the same beliefs about the world, the same troubles with the world "self". Her podcast has introduced me to some wonderful books, resources and even TV Shows. Her podcast has convinced me to not be so hard on myself. Haley Radke, you have enabled me to live with myself. Thank you!

Helen Schwieger

Haley Radke is kind and gentle. I am so thankful we were able to meet in person at the 1st IAN conference. I admire her work and ability to give all adoptees a chance to be heard and to learn from others.

Paige Adams Strickland