A New Kind of Group for People Who Were Adopted

I love being a writing coach in part because my whole body loves it. I think I was born with some sort of authenticity meter inside of me, because when people write or speak from a place true to themselves, my whole self lights up. The truth feels amazing and clean, like a cold glass of water on a hot day.

When you grow up with stories about your origin that are murky or not true, your body teaches you what not truth feels like. This can manifest in chronic headaches, stomachaches, anxiety. All sorts of things. The thing is, so often we dissociate from our bodies because it often seems there’s nothing we can do as children about being adopted and not told the truth. So our bodies talk to us, but we don’t listen to it, understand it, and change the situation—often because we can’t.

When you are adopted, people fill out paperwork and pay money and make you their own. This is tricky business. I, for one, loved my adoptive parents “as if” they were the only parents I had. But they weren’t. There often comes a time in a person’s life when authenticity becomes a priority because having a murky background makes them feel not themselves in one way or another. This feeling of being “wrong” in some way can lead to addiction, depression, confusion, emotional outbursts, etc. People start searching for the truths of their lives. They start standing up for themselves and their right to exist authentically.

One reason I love being a writing coach for people who were adopted is because of the sheer joy, disbelief, wonder, and relief I get to see people experience when they join a group of adopted people for the first time. For me, being solely with other adopted people feels like I’m a goldfish who was finally put into a tank of water with the right temperature of water.

When I work one-on-one with people who were adopted, they often say, “This isn’t a therapy session, but…” and we talk about things that are personal and meaningful to them as they figure out how to tell their story. Last year, I decided to sign up for Martha Beck’s Wayfinder Life Coach training course in order to even better show up for those who open their lives to me.

I learned so much about how our brains work from that course. I learned even more about the power of storytelling on both personal and social levels. I could see how I’d trapped myself in many ways with my own stories and thoughts. I found ways to change my thinking and to change the way I told stories to feel even more powerfully myself.

I also learned the importance of having a North Star to steer towards, for steering almost solely towards the questions, Why did she let me go? and When is she coming back? were keeping me from developing into me. It can be terrifying to fully step into your selfness when you were adopted because it can feel like you might lose everyone close to you. Your brain plays tricks on you. It tells you that being yourself will kill you, that it’s impossible, that you have no self to become.

I drove across the country to work with the winningest coach in Ivy League history, Kathy Delaney-Smith, on her now-published book Grit and Wit because I wanted to learn what it took to win. I learned a lot about personal excellence from Kathy and about the importance of teamwork. I learned even more about what it takes to be a good coach.

I’ve created this group so we can use writing prompts to look at our thoughts and belief systems to make sure they are leading us towards freedom. Honing your voice in community often means you learn very quickly because of hive mind, because of the fact that you get to see all the ways other people around you in the group are also changing and growing.

In this group, I’ll share with you the tools I have learned to think, to express myself, and to live authentically in addition to the writing tools I have honed over the past 30 years as a writer and as a writing teacher.

To have a sense of agency, purpose, and direction can be so fun and empowering.

Let’s do this.

Details:

We’ll meet weekly on Zoom Sundays from 10 AM - 12 PM ET starting January 18th and going until July 12. The cost is $150 a month. There is a limit of 12 participants. Email me at anneheffron@gmail.com with any questions or to save your spot.