1. My helmet cost over $400. I thought the price was a code. Remember when candy bars were a quarter?

2. The love I had for horses as a kid has been replaced by fear.

3. The horse I ride at the stable is either 18 or 35, I forget which, and doesn't give a shit that I want her to move.

4. I feel like an asshole kicking her in the ribs to try to encourage a slow walk. We both know going around in circles in a humid indoor ring is for idiots.

5. I'd had dreams of connecting with a horse, but as soon as our eyes met, I remembered what it was like meeting a Tinder date for the first time and already wishing it were over. We were there to survive each other.

6. I hate my riding lessons most of all because I suspect they are doing more than I know. I suspect that if I go to Camp Suck It Up and keep showing up and trying my best, I will shift a little closer to the person I am trying to become. Someone who is once again comfortable around horses.

Why I love my riding lessons.

1. My horse's name is Faith.

2. My hands smell like her for hours and hours after I have taken off my helmet and driven away.