Adopted People and the Money Fairy

I don’t want to write this post, but it was between getting this done or doing my taxes, so here I am.

I’m not sure why I have so much resistance to writing about adopted people and money. Maybe it’s similar to the way I am hesitant to drive into thick fog when I know there’s a cliff somewhere in the distance. It doesn’t seem very rewarding.

How can I trick myself into moving forward?

I think I’ll talk about the money fairy. I had this idea that at the end of each of my 15-30 minute Zoom interviews with 25 or so adopted people, I’d ask them to imagine I was a money fairy who was offering to write them a check for any amount. How much do you want me to write the check for? I asked. (I made it clear that truly this was a pretend offer since you really shouldn’t fuck around with offering people money only to tell them you were kidding.)

This was where, almost across the board, the hemming and hawing started. People stared off into space. People started listing all the reasons they needed money: kids’ college tuition, to buy their parents a house, all these things that had to do with other people’s needs, generally. The money fairy got pissy. She had the goddamn pen ready to write any number and she was having to listen to this crap?

Okay, okay, person after person said. A million dollars.

The money fairy blew her top every time. She said things like, Do you think when you wake up in the morning, you’re going to be glad you asked for a million dollars and not a lot more?

She said, I’m not going to tell anyone about the money. You can sit on it. No one has to know you have it.

The rabbit in the headlights showed up over and over again.

I’m writing the check for $25,000,000, the money fairy said. She might have said $250,000,000. I forget. I was too busy being a pissed money fairy.

I mean, I know a million dollars is a lot of money, but it’s so easy to spend. If you really wanted a life where you didn’t want to have any money worries, wouldn’t you ask for an unreasonable number if some fantastical force was standing there in front of you offering you unlimited resources? So many of the people were worried they’d be taking from others, but the money fairy isn’t stealing from the poor to give to the rich here. She’s just pulling money out of her fairy behind to give to them.

Two people asked for a bunch of money, and that made the money fairy so happy. Who knew what would happen next! One person said she didn’t want any, that money wasn’t the answer to problems. I respect that, but the money fairy hated that answer. Why not just take the money anyway? I mean, so it’s not an answer, but jeez, you could still have it.

What gets me so worked up is that even when so many adopted people (ME!) are offered wonderful things, they look at the darkness of trauma in their being, and they choose to continue to live out that story, choosing suffering rather than ease.

This is a tough nut to crack.

Can we please decide to choose the $250,000,000 or some other wild sum of money so we could 1. Get the therapy we need 2. Get the bodywork we need 3. Open a free clinic so all adopted people and birth moms could get the therapy and bodywork they need? 

That’s all for now. Maybe I will write a part 3, but I don’t think so. I have to go do my taxes.