What if Three-Year-Old Me Had Had a VOICE?

Mom and Dad: We’re thinking about adopting another baby.

Me: WHAT? YOU’RE ALREADY DISTRACTED AND WORRIED!

Mom and Dad: Another child might help that.

Me: WHAT? LET ME SEE ALL YOUR MONEY. PUT IT ON THE KITCHEN TABLE.

Mom and Dad: It’s not about the money.

Me: YES IT IS!! HOW MUCH DOES ANOTHER CHILD COST? WHY ARE YOU SPENDING MONEY ON KIDS WHEN YOU SAY YOU CAN’T AFFORD A NEW CAR?

Mom and Dad: We want to save the children.

Me: I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU WANTED TO HELP YOURSELF STOP BEING DISTRACTED AND WORRIED.

Mom and Dad: Since when did you learn such big words?

Me: SINCE ANNE HEFFRON TAUGHT ME ABOUT THE MEGAPHONE VOICE.

Mom and Dad: Who is Anne Heffron?

Me: SHE WRITES ABOUT ADOPTION. I THINK YOU WOULD NOT LIKE HER.

Mom leaves the room. Dad looks for something to eat.

THE END