I heard somewhere recently (I should take better notes when I listen to or read things!) that if a person isn’t 70% aware of how they are feeling, they might want to reassess where their attention is and make adjustments for their health, well-being, and sense of mind body rootedness.

What would the adoptee community look like if we were all 70% aware of how we felt inside when we were sitting at dinner with others or in class or window shopping on a pretty Saturday morning? Here’s a better question: what would the adoptee community feel like?

(Granted, you could easily change that question to What would the world look like?, but I am addressing the adoptee community in this post, so there you go.)

I like to think in the megaphone voice which, when I type, is all caps. I like to imagine what it would have been like if, when I was small, I could have talked to those around me in the megaphone voice with the awareness I have now about the things I was struggling with as an adopted person.

HEY! YOU SMELL WRONG, MOM! CAN YOU TAKE A SHOWER AND AT LEAST TRY TO SMELL LIKE NOTHING SO I CAN RELAX? HOW COME YOUR LEGS ARE SO SKINNY AND MINE ARE LIKE PIANO LEGS? AS A MATTER OF FACT, WHILE WE ARE AT IT, WHY DO YOU CALL ME PIANO LEGS? IS THERE SOMETHIGN WRONG WITH ME? IS EVERYONE SUPPOSED TO BE AS SKINNY AS YOU ARE? DID MY REAL MOTHER HAVE PIANO LEGS? WHY DO YOU CRY EVERY TIME I CALL HER THAT? WHY CAN’T I HAVE TWO REAL MOTHERS? YOU ARE MY REAL MOTHER, TOO, BUT IN A DIFFERENT WAY. HOW COME YOU ARE RUNNING OUT OF THE ROOM?

HOW COME I CAN’T FOCUS IN SCHOOL? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? WHAT AM I DOING WRONG? WHY DON’T I FEEL SAFE WHEN I HAVE TO WALK TO SCHOOL BY MYSELF? WHY CAN’T YOU WALK WITH ME ALL TEH WAY TO THE DOOR? I FEEL LIKE CRYING WHEN I LEAVE YOU. WHAT IF YOU AREN’T HERE WHEN I GET BACK? MY STOMACH FEELS SICK. CAN I HAVE A BUNCH OF MARSHMELLOW FLUFF? THAT WILL MAKE ME FEEL BETTER.

I GET SCARED WHEN YOU AND DADDY FIGHT ABOUT MONEY. I AM TOO EXPENSIVE. I THINK I CAN GET A JOB WHEN I AM FIVE. I WILL MAKE MONEY AND BRING YOU FOOD. PLEASE STOP CRYING.

WHY DO YOU CALL YOURSELF UGLY? THAT MAKES ME SO SCARED. IF YOU CAN’T SEE YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, I DON’T BELIEVE IT WHEN YOU SAY I AM. I DON’T TRUST YOU. I WISH YOU WOULD GO TO THE DOCTOR AND GET YOUR BRAIN FIXED.

I WANT TO EAT ALL THE TIME. I AM SO AFRAID OF HAVING AN EMPTY TUMMY. PLEASE CAN I CARRY FOOD IN MY POCKETS?

WHY DO YOU WANT TO BE BY YOURSELF AND NOT WITH ME? WHAT DID I DO WRONG? I FEEL LIKE DYING WHEN YOU GO INTO YOUR ROOM AND SHUT THE DOOR. LAST TIME I TOOK SOME QUARTERS OUT OF YOUR WALLET AND FELT A LITTLE LESS LONELY.