Be on time. If you are more than 1.5 seconds late, text or call to say you are almost there.

Know you are with a flight risk. Be prepared for sudden disappearances. If you are patient and not judgmental, chances are good the flight risk who flighted will catch their breath, realize they went to the dark place, come back eventually and ask for a second chance. They will be shocked and grateful when you say yes. If you can do this 50-100 times calmly, again, without judgement, you will have basically worked a miracle.

Don’t try to save or change the person. They are fine the way they are. Everyone has their stuff. You do you.

Have clear boundaries. Just because you think you might be falling in love with this person doesn’t mean they can shit on you. They are testing you. Be magnificent. Be strong. Hold the bar high. They can match you. They just need someone who believes in them.

Read The Primal Wound and my book You Don’t Look Adopted (I want to get to 400 reviews on Amazon, and I have a long way to go.) You might be tempted to mention over dinner that adopted people and non-adopted people are actually very similar. Adoptees are generally very attached to their story of different and misunderstood. Don’t fuck with that. Let them keep their beliefs and they will start to melt like butter around you.

The less you comment on adoption, the better. You can say things like, “Tell me more.,” or, “I love when you talk to me about your adoption experience,” and the person will think they died and went to heaven. They will think you are amazing.

Hold them tightly. More than anything, I’m guessing this is what they want. Ask. “Do you want me to hold you forever and ever?” and see what they say. But who knows. Maybe they are touch adverse. Boy oh boy. Dating is tricky.

Laugh.

Be honest.

Carry healthy snacks.