Four Magic Words — A Guest Post by Tim Treweek
The famous photo on the cover of the Beatles’ Abbey Road album shows John, Ringo, Paul, and George walking across the white striped crosswalk of Abbey Road in London. John is confidant, Ringo determined, Paul is chillin’ and George is wondering about lunch.
Most people see the fab four crossing the street, but I see them walking away, leaving. They’re leaving me. Adios, Au Revoir, Goodbye. See ya kid. My entrance into the world conditioned me to view life this way. When I arrived on planet earth my mother left and didn’t return. The Beatles must have been thinking of me and other adoptees when they sang, “I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello” because those could have been my words to my mother on my first day as I was carried from the birthing room to the nursey and away from her forever. If my mother and The Beatles can leave me, you can leave me too. I expect it of you and everyone else I love. To protect myself I’ll leave you first, figuratively at least, if not literally.
I visited my daughter Courtney in London in 2015 while she was there studying for her master’s degree and on our last day together I suggested we go to Abbey Road to see some rock ‘n roll history. It was a warm, sunny June day that was perfect for being outdoors. We made the trip early in the morning and beat the crowds that visit each day, and that gave us a chance to play tourist and recreate the famous album cover photo. We tried doing it individually which was fun but seemed incomplete. I wanted a photo of us making the walk together and a fellow tourist obliged when I asked if he would serve as photographer. He took photos of us crossing from the left, just like The Beatles, and from the right, because we had to back to where we started. Of the many pictures he took that day, one stood out as most similar to the one on the album. Except for our direction, everything about it is just right – the sunlight, our shadows, our synchronized legs, and our hand positions. Courtney is even bare footed just like Paul. The angle of our photo is a bit different too because the tourist photographer was positioned slightly in front of us making it appear that we were walking toward him.
I have the Abbey Road album framed and hanging in my study along with the photo of Courtney and me in stand below. The display is a memory of a wonderful day with my daughter but it’s also a symbol of trauma and healing. You see there has been only one person in my life in whom I have had absolute faith not to leave me and that’s Courtney. I feel it in my bones and frees me to share everything with her. It makes me trust her completely and it transforms our relationship into something magical. Every day when I walk into my study I see The Beatles—and my mother and everyone else—leaving while Courtney is walking toward me. The two photos represent trauma and redemption. They represent fear and comfort.
As adoptees we need to hear “I’ll never leave you” constantly. Even when you tell us we’re not sure you mean it or that you won’t change your mind tomorrow. We’re rescue dogs who are so damaged that it will take a long time, if ever, before we’ll believe you when you say it. So please, tell me once, and then tell me again, “I’ll never leave you”.
