Texas and Slamming Down on Abortions and Creating a Child Headed for Adoption Means You are Damaging a Person Before She or He Has a Say in the Matter and are Then Putting Them Up for Sale

This blog post is mostly just the title.

To make it hard/impossible for a woman to get an abortion is to willingly be part of creating what could easily be a serial killer, a suicide, or a genuinely unhappy person.

I know this is inflammatory, and that many adoptees will take umbrage, but the fact is that every adoptee I have met (and that is now in the hundreds) has reported to me that they suffer from some form of mental and/or physical damage as a result of being relinquished by their mother to either the foster care system or to another parent or parents. And, frankly, the ones who report they are fine are, clearly, not, unless of course chronic illnesses and/or addiction issues are part of being fine.

Using COVID-19 as an excuse to continue to wield power over women’s bodies is another kind of virus.

You are creating a being whose brain will be damaged.

And no, it’s not necessarily better to be alive. Walking around with a damaged brain, one that can lead you to hurt other people, creatures, things in a rage you yourself don’t understand is unthinkably painful and isolating.

Adoptees are champions at making do. At acting. At making you think they are okay.

Acting is exhausting.

You be someone else for the next few hours, the next few days, weeks, years, and tell me how you feel.

We need to learn to listen when a woman says she does not want a baby, can not care for a baby, does not love the child inside of her. We need to pave the way for her to terminate this mistake. For to be born a mistake is a soul-eating burden. To be created in a body that does not want you is a recipe for disaster. You want to make a delicious cake? You do not add hate or intense anxiety or denial because, well, everyone knows those things are not delicious.

An unwanted baby is a stone thrown into a lake. The ripples go on and on and on: parents, children, spouses, employers, employees, friends, all these people associated with the mother and the child ride the waves created by the trauma bomb, most having no idea what is going on, just that something is not right, something is a problem, and, generally, it’s the mother and the child who accept the burden. I am wrong. It is I. I am sorry. I am so so sorry I am the way I am. I wish I were not this way. I wish there were a way out of this situation, but I can’t escape myself.

Until the world makes more of an effort to understand and address the trauma that is part of relinquishment, we need to focus on bringing as few children as possible into the world who won’t get the essential care they need. (Wouldn’t it be amazing if men were born wearing condoms that only slipped off when the time was truly right?)

It’s not enough to be born. You also need to feel safe, loved, mirrored.

You have to be wanted. Not by a bunch of strangers who are willing to buy you. You have to be wanted by your mother.

Why?

Because a child and a mother are one for months and months after the child is born, and when you separate what functions as one, you end up with parts.

The yearning for wholeness can feel like a sickness.

Like not being all the way alive.