MEGAPHONE VOICE and Flourish
The other day in our Flourish class, we talked about the MEGAPHONE VOICE, the voice you carry perhaps in your sternum that comments (INSIDE) on life as you lead it with your, as Ron said, strap-on face (somewhat) firmly in place.
John Irving wrote a wonderful book called A Prayer for Owen Meany. Owen is the boy with the broken voice, and ALL HIS DIALOGUE IS IN CAPS. For a long time after reading this book, I dreamed of Owen, and in my dreams everything he said was in capital letters. It was thrilling to witness such enormity coming from one mouth, one small body.
The MEGAPHONE VOICE says sometimes I AM SO BORED I COULD DIE as you sit on yet another Zoom meeting and pretend to be wearing pants. The MEGAPHONE VOICE says I KNOW WE ARE GOING TO BE DIVORCED SOON as you say I do. The MEGAPHONE VOICE says I HATE MYSELF SO MUCH I DON’T KNOW HOW TO GET THROUGH THE DAY as you pay the checker for your twelve Snickers bars.
The MEGAPHONE VOICE says COULD YOU LET ME GET A WORD IN EDGEWISE as your chatty friend jumps from topic to topic forgetting that you, also, might have something to say about global warming. The MEGAPHONE VOICE says I AM AFRAID YOU DON’T LOVE ME ANYMORE as you watch your husband turn away to sleep. The MEGAPHONE VOICE says I CAN’T REMEMBER WHAT YOUR NAME IS as someone comes to your car to tell you how much they have missed seeing you.
The MEGAPHONE VOICE is a reason people love getting drunk. Suddenly the MEGAPHONE VOICE can come out to play and later you get to say you didn’t mean any of it. You were wasted. You can’t even, you say, remember what you said. But for a moment, you got to be REAL, you got to SAY SHIT, and boy oh boy did it feel good.
Like jumping off a cliff into an abyss.
Like walking down a beauty pageant runway after rolling out of bed.
But now you are sober and you feel the sick weight of knowing you are not prepared to use this VOICE of yours. You let it loose and now there are people who know what you really think. You forgot to make a back-up plan, pack a parachute, slap the strap-on mask back in time. You were seen. Man oh man did you let PEOPLE KNOW WHAT YOU THOUGHT ABOUT SUCH A WIDE VARIETY OF TOPICS.
You were heard. It was like you were REAL.
The MEGAPHONE VOICE might be labelled as crazy or wrong or wild, but what if it is just THE TRUTH? What if this voice is the thing that could save you from you?
And then you went and used it that one night, and and now your friends and family are…
What?
What are the people you love most doing when you speak your truth?
What did you say that was so terrible?
What happens if you never say THE TRUTH?
If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it, did it make a sound?
IS IT EVEN A TREE?
