Day 89 - Starting a New Project

Yesterday I started out sitting, but after half an hour of brainstorming, I was on the floor, fetalled.

 Did you know fetal can be made into a verb? I know it can because I did it. I lay on the floor on my side and curled up until I could have kissed my knees. At the moment, it felt like the perfect position to birth a new country, a new set of laws, a new world. I was writing a screenplay about a place that was on no map aside from in my head, characters who had never taken a breath except in my mind, and situations that were unwinding only because I was willing them into the space of me. 

It's funny how sometimes creating something that is purely imaginary can feel like lying or cheating or stealing to me. Like, I'm only supposed to say what really happened. I don't have the authority or the power to create a world of my own making.

So you can see why I'm pushing myself to step into making things up. I'm done shoulding all over myself (and, by proxy, over everyone around me). I want to play. I want to dream. I want to make stuff up. 

Why? Because I feel happier when I am creating. I feel more myself, more on the edge of the possible, more excited about being alive. Part of me always wants to know what's going to happen next, but that isn't the most joyful part of me. 

And laying on the floor fetalled trying to write was fun. I had to twist around the notebook, hold it up, negotiate space. I wasn't sure how long I could stay like that, but it turned out it was long enough.

It felt like I was resting and working at the same time.

Happiness.

See you tomorrow.

xoxo