Day 74 - What I Ate Today and Some Poop Talk

Shalajit in water.

Bone broth with turmeric and MCT oil.

Overnight oatmeal and walnuts in almond milk.

Decaf bullet coffee.

Shot of spirulina.

Dandelion greens with olives, sardines, goats milk cheese and cashews. Kimchee on the side.

Cashew yogurt with sliced peach, cacao nibs and chia seeds.

Bullet proof collagen bar.

Apple cider vinegar in water.

Shot of goats milk kifer.

Dandelion greens with olives, sardines, and goats milk cheese. Kimchee on the side. 

Cacao nibs and cashews.

My poops are light brown and float on the surface of the water. This indicates that my body is having trouble processing fat. The term is “malabsorption.” This means that I usually poop soon after I eat because my body can’t process the food well. This also means I miss vital nutrients and minerals. My brain functions generally at about a 6 out of 10. Sometimes I go to 10 and feel on top of the world and my ideas are clear and connected, and sometimes I go to about a 3 where I can’t spell or put together a full sentence. The 3 times are frustrating and a little scary. 

The more I read and learn and study my own body, the more I see how the the stress and dis-ease of relinquishment 53 years ago affects my body/mind. It makes sense to me that if my mind can't absorb the full scope of being born and relinquished and then growing up in world where I lived a newly created self--"Anne Heffron" instead of "Sarah Stenard"--that my body would have issues “malabsorption.” 

There are no books out on how relinquishment and adoption affect the body of the child/adult or the body of the relinquishing parent. I feel like I am in a forest, looking for a path. 

I am on day 64. On a deep level, since I have been focusing on settling my guts to get a good poop, I am happier and more at peace than I have ever been (except when I was in the stunned joy of being a new mom, which, in its own way, is a bubble that will last, I believe, my entire life). 

One day soon, I know, I will poop and that thing will not float. I will be the Queen of the Perfect Caca. 

You can all be Queens with me.

As soon as I finished this I went and ate another collagen bar. I hate telling people what I ate. It makes me want to eat more. Luckily that was the last bar in the house.

See you tomorrow.

xoxo